The Biggest Thing To Tell Your Daughter About Becoming A Mom

The Leaky Boob advocates for breastfeeding moms all over America. The moms who write for Leaky Boob work diligently to provide breastfeeding education and awareness to new moms and society as a whole. I'm a big fan of their work.

Recently, I read an article on their blog that has really inspired me to write down the things I want to make sure my daughter knows about being a first time mom. While Leaky Boob's article does focus on feeding, there's a very important message for all new moms hidden in the middle. I want to make sure my daughter knows:

You matter too. Before baby comes, everyone is all about the mother-to-be. After baby comes, everyone is all about the baby and the mom is little more than the easel holding up the masterpiece. With that comes all the opinions on how to care for, and certainly how to feed, the masterpiece. But you matter too. According to many, you’ll be doing it wrong. Even those who support the method you are using will find ways to tell you are doing it wrong. Everything is subject to such “support” when it comes to feeding your baby. Bottle feeding? You’re holding that bottle wrong, using the wrong bottle, giving a bottle at all… all wrong. Breastfeeding? You’re using the wrong position, the wrong pillows, the wrong place, the wrong timing, doing it at all… all wrong. Pumping? You’re using the wrong pump, the wrong setting, the wrong method, doing it at all… all wrong. With everyone focused on the adorable masterpiece, they will want to “help” you care for it “right.” In the process, some will forget about caring for you. Mothering may change how you see your body and how you feel about it, aspects you may not love may be the most wonderful to your child. Mothering will change your heart and how you feel about it, aspects you may not love about yourself may be the most wonderful to your child. Take care of you, your children will need you to, they need and love you. It may feel selfish but taking care of you is important in taking care of your baby. You matter. Find those that can genuinely support you and your goals in caring for your baby. Those who believe you matter too.

I cried a little when I read that. It's more true than I want it to be. I remember crying on the phone to my husband while pumping. I told him that sometimes I felt as if I had just been an incubator.

It's not that I wanted attention necessarily.  I'm an introvert and I've always been more comfortable behind the scenes than in front of the camera.  That said, I felt very pushed aside and trampled on after our son was born. Not only was I not asked about things by our well meaning families, I was often flat out ignored when speaking.  It was heartbreaking. I had never been treated so much like a piece of furniture in my life.

I wish someone had said to me that I mattered. I wish someone had helped me to believe it, before I ended up sniffling over a breast pump to my confused husband. One thing is for sure, I'm going to tell my daughter just how much she matters and I'm going to try to remember to show her too. No one should have to feel that they have no real support as they start their parenting journey. After all, being a mom is hard enough.

To read more about what the writers at Leaky Boob think all new moms should know, check out what I want my daughters to know about motherhood. Then, share your own sage advice in the comments.