Moms With Big Boobs Can’t Win

Do you hate bra shopping? Are you one extreme or the other and sick and tired of never being able to find something you love?

I hate buying bras. I hate buying them online because they never fit right and I dread buying them in stores because I don’t have (or want to make) the time to get naked at the mall and try on a bunch of uncomfortable pieces of underwear while wishing I could have a do-over at this whole woman thing.

I just want to buy a bra that fits, is comfortable, and looks visually appealing, and move on with my life! Why is that so hard for my boobs to understand?!

I suppose it’s the complexity and variety of bras that overwhelms me. I’ve never been very good at buffets; an over-abundance of choices just shuts me down. Who can choose between spaghetti or waffles? Same logic applies to lingerie.

But unfortunately, I’m in dire need of some new bras. I had a baby 8 months ago and now my boobs are total strangers to me. They’re bigger than I could imagine, completely unmanageable and what’s worse is that they’ve left me for someone else. Someone who poops their pants, has two jagged baby teeth, and has the magical powers to engorge me with a simple whimper. And now I’m knee-deep in completely inadequate saggy boob bras.

So I accept my fate and head to the mall.

I’m fortunate enough that I can usually find a bra that fits me in stores, but finding it is like embarking on the quest for the Holy Grail, and by the time I finally locate it, the only treasure left is beige. It’s also quite possible I’m in bra size denial and should be banished to the interwebs with all my big-boobed sister friends — but like I said, I’m in denial about it, so I guess I’ll never know.

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