Divorce Is Hard…. Duh!

The first step is the hardest.  Coming to the decision to divorce is kind of like admitting you have an addiction, and maybe you do.  The first step in solving a problem is admitting you have one.  Depending on your situation, it may also be a dangerous decision and you need to prepare for the battle to come.  This decision can be a positive one – a life-altering decision that will allow you to discover or rediscover yourself and find strengths you never imagined you possessed.

Find workable solutions.  Even if you are not the one who initiated the divorce and you may want to back your SUV over your soon-to-be-ex-husband’s lifeless body, don’t give into temptation and under no circumstances let your children see that side of you.  This is between the two of you and your children have more than likely suffered enough.  Try your damnedest to stay calm and discussions rational.  If your once-loving spouse turns evil, document everything and let your attorney know.  If your long-evil spouse becomes increasingly vile, do documentation is key.   Know where the skeletons are buried.

Grow some balls.  It may all sound like a personal attack, and in some cases it very well may be.  But don’t take anything personally.  This is business and serious business at that.  You may find yourself doing things you may not normally do.  Not saying that you need to become a cutthroat bitch, but in some cases it may not hurt.  Your lovely spouse may try to hide assets, or become a very convincing liar. You need to be prepared for that.

Hold on with your fingernails.   Do not make any rash decisions.  If he has made it clear that he is going to ask for the house and the kids, do not cave and move out.   Squatter’s rights do count for something.  It’ll be up to the court to decide not your soon-to-be-ex.  But try your damnedest to work together for a resolution that works for everyone, not just you, not just your spouse, but for everyone involved.

Your argument is with him/her, not the kids.  Can’t say this enough.  Too many parents use their kids as pawns, and that never turns out well. One of two things will end up happening – 1) you will have absolutely no relationship with your kids when they’re old enough, or 2) they’ll use what you’ve done to their advantage.  Rinse, repeat.

Assume – it makes an ass out of U and Me.  Do not make assumptions about any aspect of this situation.  Don’t assume that your spouse will play nice.  Don’t assume that the court will find favor with you, especially when you haven’t participated and showed cause.  Don’t assume anything.

Buck up camper – you’ve reached an important decision and this will all soon be behind you. Then you can fall apart, and begin to put yourself back together.

Written by: Allyson Johns