Why We Won’t Go To The Fair…

Get your credit cards and open-ended credit ready!  We're going to the Fair!!

The last time my husband and I went to the state fair was before having children, and we went basically to be ironic and make ourselves feel skinny.
This year was the same deal, however it costs around $600 per body part to get into state fairs nowadays, so I suspect we both had a small expectation of family-friendly fun.
The parking lot is generally my favorite part. I’m always amazed at the people. The freedom with which they will bare their midriffs, countless batches of deep-fried Oreos and a slow metabolism no matter. And the I-haven’t-been-cute-for-ten-years children trying to butter up their chaperones on the way in with arms and legs wrapped around their rickety old parent’s body in a painful attempt at a piggy back ride.
As it turns out, the parking lot is also my son’s favorite part of fairs and, not able to control his emotional state quite as well as me, broke into tears when we had to move onward and he didn’t get to play on the bulldozer.
$9,567 later, we enter the fair.

And it only gets better from here.  The sights, the sounds, the prizes, the fun had by all! Wait…..we paid what to see what?

My quasi-Waldorf, only-give-my-kid-one-book-at-a-time-and-wood-to-play-with mind just about liquified upon an assault of pinging sounds, fried things smells, twirling things, rampant obesity, rampant t-shirts declaring love for America.
Where were the gluten and dairy free food booths!?!? I thought, quickly realizing ostrich leg would be my only snack option.
I reminded myself this was a special event, like being abducted by aliens, so just relax and enjoy it.
We headed straight for the barn area where it appeared that the cool animals like the cows and horses had disappeared rapture-like from the stalls, leaving behind their half-eaten hay and a waning musk.
All that remained were some seemingly forgotten ducks and chickens, each with a ribbon tied to their respective cages. Even the rooster whose comb looked like a cancerous wad of chewed gum had a ribbon. Already skeptical how no one seemed in any sort of hurry to claim these birds, we headed back to the bustle of the fair.

Well…..at least the people are polite, right?

All that remained were some seemingly forgotten ducks and chickens, each with a ribbon tied to their respective cages. Even the rooster whose comb looked like a cancerous wad of chewed gum had a ribbon. Already skeptical how no one seemed in any sort of hurry to claim these birds, we headed back to the bustle of the fair.
Lingering near the bounce houses and creaking Tilt-O-Whirls and unsure what to do with exactly with a 1.75 year old who’s too short to ride any rides and who was wriggling in my arms, I made the rookie mistake of someone who thinks people can see in front of them, and let my son stand free.
He took two steps and was knocked flat to the pavement by a man I’d estimate to be about six months pregnant. I could only be upset with myself, though, as the guy had no way of seeing a 3-footer, or his own feet for that matter.

Sigh…..the things we'll do to show our children the world and entertain them.  Find out how this family's day turned out at Life In The Hood.  Have you experienced a day like this? Leave us a comment and let us know!