The Secret Questions All Moms Ask Themselves

Scary Mommy has done it again. They have this knack for saying what I'm thinking but afraid to let out of my head.  Check out these four questions I know we've all wondered about as new parents.

1. What exactly is BPA? Is it like asbestos? Gluten? All I know is that it’s bad, and that I should avoid it at all costs.

2. Why doesn’t anyone want to hear my birth story? It’s pretty exciting. No takers? I know the word “episiotomy” causes people’s sex organs to shrivel up and die, and that I should save my lactation stories for my first post-partum dinner party, but really. No one wants to hear about my triumph over agonizing pain? Or learn what color my amniotic fluid was? Anyone? Anyone?

3. Do all mothers think their newborns are cute? Because sometimes they look like a Cabbage Patch version of Gollum. Still cute? Yes? Just checking.

4. Why are baby clothes so complicated? We need to change them 15 times a day, and yet there are so many snaps and fasteners that by the time I’ve reassembled the baby into her onesie, she’s soiled herself again. Know who can get their clothes off fast? Strippers. Why can’t clothing designers take a page from their book and make baby outfits with tear-away Velcro?

5. How important is it to know my baby’s stats? I have no idea what “percentile” she is in for anything, so I’ve been making it up:  My baby is 85th percentile in ‘leg chub,’ 98th percentile in ‘lung capacity,’ and 5th percentile in ‘sleeping through the night.’

6. Why don’t even the simplest of toys come assembled? Seriously, do toy manufacturers not see the irony of my needing a tool set to put together a toy tool set?

7. It gets easier… right? I hear toddlers and teenagers are much easier to manage. For now, I’m choosing to believe this.

I may not know the answers to most of these yet, but I can promise that yes, it does get easier. However, toddlers and teenagers aren't easier… just different. Toddlers can talk so that's nice and teenagers don't need you to change their diapers so that's a big win.

Seriously, it gets better. To feel validated in knowing that you're not the only one wondering all these crazy things, check out the rest of the list on Scary Mommy and you'll soon realize that all new moms ask themselves these 15 questions… and more.