The Loss Of A Pet

Right to Feelings.   Don’t let others tell you what you should or should not feel.  “It was just a cat (or dog), not a person”.  Sorry, but your pet wasn’t “just” anything.  Your pet was a source of unconditional love and didn’t judge you.  People who didn’t feel that incredible bond may not understand, or may try to rush you out of your grief.  Only you can experience the feelings that you are having at this time, and you should have a right to feel the way you do.

Embrace each stage.  Your stages may vary in length and intensity, but embrace each one.  Don’t try to shelve the emotion, or it may manifest itself in other ways.  This was a death, an extremely close one to your heart, and this is all a natural reaction. 

Help your children understand.  This is especially difficult if your children are young.  Explain in terms that they can understand.  They may question when the pet is returning and this very may be their first experience with a death.  That is a lot for a small child to absorb.  They too have a right to their emotions and may act out or lash out in ways that are not their normal behavior. That is okay – they’re grieving too.  The most important thing is to be honest with them.

Understand it will take time.  Everyone copes with a loss differently.  Some may cry at the beginning, get it out of their system and be able to move on quickly. Others may be inconsolable. Still others may not react immediately.  It takes time to process feelings and everyone goes at their own pace. It will not ever completely be gone, but it will get easier.  Just be easy on yourself.  

A memorial may help.  When a relative passes, there is a viewing, a funeral, perhaps even a wake. You are with others who feel the loss as keenly as you do. But when a pet dies, who do you grieve with?   Immediate family, sure, but what if you are the only one grieving?  Putting together a memorial for your pet may help you accept the loss.  

Stages may differ.  You may grieve differently than other people around you. In addition to the 5 phases above, Key researchers in the field of bereavement, John Bowlby and Colin Murray Parkes, pinpointed a different set of phases of grief following the death of a loved one.  The phases they identified are: Phase 1 – Numbness, Phase 2 – Yearning, Phase 3 – Disorganization and Despair, and Phase 4 – Reorganized Behavior.    While these phases overlap in numerous ways, everyone is different.  

It doesn’t seem like it now, if your loss was recent, but it will get better and you will get through it.  At least, that’s what I keep telling myself – I had to put my cat, Cleo, down this week.  She was so sick, and I couldn’t let her suffer any longer.  

Written by: Allyson Johns