Good Cop / Bad Cop Parenting

Maybe instead of trying to be police mom, I could just cut loose sometimes and be fun mom. Fun mom sounds really nice.  Fun mom sounds like she’s happy and has happy kids. Fun mom is the one who doesn’t even notice that the other moms are shaking their heads at her. She’s too busy laughing with her kiddos and crawling around on the floor. She’s too busy chasing down the ice cream truck before dinner and staying at the park until the lightening bugs come out.  She’s a lot of fun and I’m not her.

I used to be her, before I was a mom. My husband remembers when I was her and sometimes he tries to bring her back from the dead. I think I killed her with all my mommy anxiety.  Sometimes I can channel her for a while and I love the way my kids’ faces light up when I do. They totally love her! Just about the time the kids start belly laughing and I forget to worry about what the mom by the swings is thinking about me…. That’s when she comes back.  She catches sight of my toddler cramming poisonous acorns into his mouth and she bolts across the playground pointing her finger and yelling with a red face.

The truth is that bad cop mom isn’t a reaction created by my husband’s lack of support in my parenting practices. Bad cop is created by my own fears and anxieties as a parent. She’s ugly and scared. The truth is that good cop character my husband is playing is a reaction the bad cop I created all by myself.

I’m sort of thankful that he’s there to be the good cop while I’m freaking out about this kid running with a stick. He could poke his eye out! I’m really glad he’s there to pick up my child after I’ve started yelling about sticks and wipe the tears from those eyes I was so worried about. What would I do without him?

I’m not a fan of the good cop/ bad cop scenario, but it’s not my husband’s fault. It’s mine. I’m learning to control the big scary bad cop. Until she’s gone for good, I’m glad he’s got the good cop character down.

Written by: Sara Parise