Strong People in Times of Weakness

Ask for help.  People just don’t realize (or maybe they do) how difficult this is to do.  There are a small group of people – family and very close friends – who wouldn’t hesitate to help.  But even knowing that there’s nothing they wouldn’t do for me, I rack my brain trying to find the solution myself. The only result from that useless practice is many sleepless nights, migraines and loss of appetite. But I’m human and I need to accept that.

Help would lighten my load.  Being a single parent, I fall into that “I-have-to-do-everything-myself” trap.  I’m mother, father, electrician, plumber, spider-killer – all wrapped into one.  I don’t have a live-in partner who can pitch in with chores or take the dog out.  While my 17-year old is perfectly capable of pitch hitting, with homework and outside interests, she is hardly home.  Plus, in approximately 6 months, she’ll be away at school.  That leaves a lot to take care of – house, dog, etc.

People pleaser.  I am 100% guilty of trying to please everyone, often before taking care of me.  My daughter needs the truck because she made plans with her best friend.  Never mind that I need to get the oil changed, or tires rotated.  Or flat-out need it myself.  Family and friends have families and issues of their own, and they’re going to their own struggles.  Why bother them with my petty problems?  Well, I need to realize that they’re not petty – I’m concerned about them for some reason.

It is not a weakness.  Asking for help is NOT a weakness, but rather a strength.  Kids have no difficulties making their needs heard, so why is it so hard for me to voice mine?  It makes me more of a doormat to keep quiet.  Look on any divorce forum (or any forum for that matter), and you’ll see “You’re so brave for asking for help” comments.  It takes bravery to admit that you can’t do it all yourself.

Now, to put to practice what I preach.  

Written by: Allyson Johns