Parents Do Weird Things On Date Night

Erin Parsons, a writer for Scary Mommy, has the scoop on what parents do on their night away from the kiddos. If you're a parent this won't surprise you at all, but if you've yet to have kids… you might be in for a shock.  Parents do some weird stuff on date nights. Have you ever done one of these things on a date night?

We inhale our food.

Every time my husband and I go to dinner, we end up eating our food quickly. I’m not talking speed like Joey Chestnut, but it’s pretty close. Onlookers might be disgusted by our lack of self-control and etiquette. It’s not entirely intentional—it’s just what we’re used to. Mealtime with the kids is a hectic event where food is rejected, or pushed around the plate, or beyond.  Conversation is sparse and our plates are cleaned. Hot food is amazing. But when I think about what I must look like I cringe.

We feel old.

Our dinner is demolished before most people even leave the house for a night out. We’re tipsy off of two glasses of wine—okay, maybe three. We’re giddy to be at a restaurant. I look around and feel frumpy. Drinks with names that I can’t pronounce are ordered. And there we sit. We’re the creepy old people at the bar. Talk of the next destination is discussed. I think I hear “karaoke bar” and the first word that comes to mind is “loud.”

That just about sums up a date night for me & my husband. We're quite the catch right? I like the way Parsons puts it in her article: coping habits. We're just coping. Anyway, that's what I'm telling myself for now.

Date nights sure aren’t what they used to be. Maybe we should work on our table manners, and our social skills in general. But who am I changing for? If I’m honest with myself, this is just where I’m at in life right now. Maybe this is why the parenting books don’t mention this phenomenon. Perhaps this isn’t an etiquette issue after all. These “bad habits” could be better described as “coping habits.” Sure they are strange, but if I look around, I’m in the company of fellow parent date nighters, pre-kid date nights and post-kid date nights, each with their own set of endearing and not-so-endearing habits. Instead of being critical of these habits, I’ll work on enjoying them. Since before I know it, I’ll be the old lady who takes her dentures out at the table.

What other sorts of weird things do parents do on date night?  According to Parsons, things like attention-seeking selfies and chugging wine are also par for the course. Get the scoop on it all at Scary Mommy and share your own weird date night habits in the comment section.