Let Your Kids Cry!

Diana Rivera, a writer for Edutopia's social and emotional learning section, wants moms to know that letting our kids cry is okay. In fact, according to Rivera and other experts, letting our children cry helps support social and emotional development in a big way.

Tears have many biological and psychological bases that have been discovered through research. Some of those reasons are noted here:

• Tears are an exocrine process and can relieve stress by expelling potentially harmful stress-induced chemicals from the body (refer to research by biochemist William H. Frey II, PhD).
• Tears may reflect attachment styles. For example, individuals who are more comfortable expressing emotions tend to cry in ways that are considered typical and healthy, while those with insecure attachment may cry inappropriately (refer to research by psychotherapist Judith Kay Nelson, PhD).
• Tears serve as an important communication tool, allowing one to show his or her need for support (refer to research by psychologist and neuroscientist Robert R. Provine, PhD).

Furthermore, tears seem to be a primary way for individuals, over a range of developmental periods, to express and regulate primary emotions such as sadness, anger, frustration, and joy. In most cases, when the emotion is felt, tears are the initial and authentic response.

So tears have an important purpose that we might be short circuiting when we go to such great lengths to keep them at bay.

But hearing our kids cry is still super hard, so how can we learn to stop fighting the tears and ride the wave?

Allowing someone to cry without quieting him or her down supports the expression of that person's emotional response. The emotion is able to move through its natural cycle. This has value for the individual and society at large because it honors emotions of all kinds. It also shows compassion that humans are multi-sentient and emotional beings who deserve a safe space in order to complete an emotional experience.

Check out Rivera's 4 tips for supporting tears:

1. Hold the space.

2. Acceptance overrides demands.

3. Be compassionate and open.

4. Create an emotionally safe classroom through discussion and brainstorming.

Learn more about Rivera's 4 tips, how to implement them, and the importance of tears in the complete article from Edutopia about how tears support social and emotional development.