If I Were To Write A “Mommy” Resume

The Dictionary defines a resume as “a brief, written account of personal, educational and professional qualifications and experience, as that prepared by an applicant for a job”.  Always written, but not always brief should be part of the definition.  How can you cram all of your knowledge in 1-3 pages?  

If you type in “Mommy Resume”, “Resume for a Mommy” or “Mom Resume” you’ll get page after page of resumes for mothers returning to the work force.  But what about a resume for the position of Mother?  

Let me know if I overlooked anything:

Project Manager.  Proficient at multi-tasking.  Ability to think quickly and react even quicker.  Scheduled meetings for a variety of co-workers, including, but not limited to, dentist visits, soccer practice, dance recitals, gymnastic classes, swim lessons.  Established easy-to-follow instructions and delivered constructive criticism when instructions were not adhered to.  

Fiscal Manager.  Works well with almost non-existent budget.  Ability to actually extract blood from a turnip. Fiscally responsible.  Top notch negotiator.  In charge of all supply orders, including, but not limited to, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, paying suppliers’ invoices for services and exceptional at paying attention.  Expert at balancing household accounts.  In charge of all accounts including Santa Claus, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy compensation.

Team Builder.  Worked closely with others, including, but not limited to teachers and principals, to determine best course for child and reviewed academic progress.  Attended parent-teacher conferences when academic performance dipped dangerously low.  Took immediate action to correct low performance.  Works closely with advocacy organizations for overnights.  Can delegate to subordinates to complete a project.  

Computer Savvy.  Proficient in LeapFrog software, JumpStart software and Reader Rabbit software. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram knowledge.  Familiar with Snap Chat, kik Messenger, Whisper and Ask.fm.  Ability to guarantee compliance with computer usage.  

Education.  School of Life, Masters in bullshit detection.  School of Life, Masters in Psychology.  School of Life, PhD in Criminal Justice.     

Written by: Allyson Johns