How To Have More Sex After Baby

The Leaky Boob understands that sometimes, with kids, finding time for sex can be difficult, so they got a dude to write down some tips for having more sex after having kids.

You're tired. The kids won't sleep. You don't feel sexy in your post-baby body. There are a myriad of reasons that your sex life can get off track after having babies.

But what if it doesn't have to? What if there was a way to have even more sex than you did before? Sounds good to me.

Tip #1:

Help around the house… but not for sex. Everyone loves a partner who is involved, who takes time to help out with household duties. Way back when we were first married, I first heard the notion that if I took the trash out, my wife would find that act so sexy she wouldn’t be able to help herself and would have to have me right then and there. I thought that sounded rather strange and hadn’t noticed that effect on her before, but I really started paying attention the next few times I took the trash out, and here is what I noticed: she appreciated my help, but didn’t think it was anything extraordinary. And that made sense. But I also noticed that when we were both paying attention to the ways the other was helping out, we both appreciated the other person for doing so, and we felt closer for noticing, and feeling closer can easily lead to sexual feelings.

This one really works well with my husband. Coming home to a clean house where there isn't a long list of chores for us (or him) to do lets him relax and that makes it a lot easier to get in the mood.

Tip #2:

Get physical… but not for sex. Touch your partner. Often. Every day. We can get so determined to get it on that we forget the thrill of simple touches. You know how physical relationships are compared to a baseball diamond, each base representing more intimate acts of physical expression, ultimately culminating in sexual intercourse when you get to home base? We can be so goal-oriented, or sexually frustrated, that all we focus on is getting to that home plate.

This goes a long way for me. If my husband goes all day without touching me, I start to think something is wrong. I need that physical connection before I can “get in the mood.”

Tip #3:

Help get the kids to bed, and again after midnight. So finally a practical tip! I suggest that you don’t gloss over the relational mushy-gushy stuff that I took nearly 2,000 words to write about. That’s the stuff that really leads to more, and great, sex. The practical logistics of making sex happen won’t cut it by themselves. Getting obnoxious distractions (i.e. children- only obnoxious when you’re hoping to make some whoopie) out of the way is essential to hooking up with your partner. Bed time can be exhausting and time-consuming, and, depending on the age of your children, can burn a parent out and render them huddled in a dark, quiet, corner, hugging their knees, etc. Or fast asleep before the kids. It’s much better with two parents. That way you communicate that you give a damn, that you want to do this together, that you’re willing to help, not to mention demonstrating to your children that you are there for them and their other parent. Ways to make it more fun: text each other once the bedtime routine is finished but your haven’t extricated yourself from your children’s arms and legs. A fun texting game we’ve played is where one of us sends the other a random emoticon, and the other has to guess what it’s supposed to mean.

I love the texting idea! My husband and I tried it tonight. It helped us keep connected throughout the bedtime routine. Our son has insomnia and our daughter has colic, so bedtime around here can feel like forever. In fact, our daughter is still currently awake at 11:30. Go to sleep, Child!

Anyway, I think this guy is totally on the right track. He has 6 more tips and lots more info about what has worked in his marriage for 17 years. Check out all his tips for having more sex after baby. Then, share your personal favorites in the comment section.