How To Handle A Dysfunctional Thanksgiving

Catherine Crawford from Mom.Me understands how dysfunctional and downright stressful family gatherings like Thanksgiving can be. In a recent article, she answered the common question of one mom: how do I manage to take care of myself and my family during the holidays?

Every year I brace myself for all of my parenting to be undermined, and it usually happens within the first hour. On the one hand, I get that it's only a few times a year that my kids get to eat whatever sugar is available, hear my dad talk down to my mom (not the best example of being a strong woman for three girls), and have to stand up for my own household values as my mom and dad tell me how ridiculous I'm being for eating organic, limiting TV and generally not behaving like an absent parent (ahem, 1980s).

Even though I know it should roll off my back as I return to the safety of my own home, which is run how my partner and I like it to be run, I always have a holiday hangover. I wind up cranky, defensive and a little depressed. How do I manage to take care of myself and my family during the holidays? And what am I doing wrong that this keeps happening every single year?

So what's a mom to do in a situation like that? Crawford's advice is supportive, comforting, and just what we need to hear:

My dead-level advice is to do what it takes to make the most of the family time, and see if you can find a way to enjoy your parents, massive flaws and all. Unless your parents are truly ogres,* there must be something good to focus on. It sounds like you and your partner are careful, open and loving parents—and one of the best things you can do for your children (society, and yourselves) is to give your kids an example of gracious parental respect. Maybe have a casual talk with your girls before the visit and prepare them in a way that makes you comfortable that they won’t be confused by the mixed messages. It’ll be the most difficult to explain warped dynamics to your 7-year-old, but always keep in mind that you are ultimately in charge.

Finally, Crawford pleads with us to just put aside our angsty feelings for a bit and focus on the positive. Crawford's own father, since deceased, used to make her crazy too. She says she'd still give anything for more time with him… even if it was spent listening to him rant for hours about ranch dressing and other silly things.

Finally, she admits:

This is much easier said than done, but if there is any way you can let go of your ire, even just a little bit, it will be worth it.

And if that doesn't work…

Also, don’t underestimate the power of a few glasses of wine to take the edge off.

Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy your wine. Read the letter from one mom to another about Thanksgiving while you drink it.