Strong People in Times of Weakness
My friends have always told me that I am one of the strongest people they know. This is not one of those humble brags, because to be honest, I don’t see myself that way. I do what is necessary, and I do what I need to do. That sounds incredibly redundant, but to me, it is not. The first is routine: taking a shower, brushing my teeth. The second is survival: going to another doctor’s appointment, having that PET scan. I see all of it as being a cog on the wheel of life.
Yes, in my life, a multitude of difficulties has been thrown my way. Difficult pregnancy and single motherhood at 32; hysterectomy at 41; cancer scare and subsequent surgery at 43; marriage at 43 and subsequent divorce two years later at 45 (after a difficult marriage). I have met every challenge head-on, but inside I was screaming or trembling in fear. Was this the right decision? Should I get a second (and third) opinion? Can we work on and save this?
Many times when I was married, I distinctly remember locking myself in the bedroom, then hiding in the closet and crying. I hate to cry. I see it as a sign of weakness. But sometimes, even strong, grown-up women cry. But why do I feel like that? What makes me think that I am omnipotent and infallible? I need an attitude adjustment. So I did what any sane person would do, I did research. Here are my findings.
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