Making A Marriage Work

Huffington Post put together a touching list of 8 marriage lessons learned in 12 years. Some of this couple's wisdom really touched me.

I know I'll save this article for a long time. Here are some of my favorite lessons shared:

1. Marriage is a cycle.

There will be good times, and there will be bad times. Ups and downs. Hills and valleys. Don't think that when you're trudging through a valley, your marriage wasn't meant to be or that you two don't have what it takes to make it work. Hard times are normal! I've learned that these are the times I grew to know my husband on a deeper level. I learned valuable lessons when things weren't going good for us. See it as a time to learn and grow and know that things will get better again. No marriage stays awesome 24/7.

I remember hearing this a lot before we got married. I didn't realize how true it was then, but now I know.  We have had our share of ups and downs. Sometimes, when it's tough, it's easy to question your relationship. That's when you have to remember that it's a cycle.

2. Marriage takes work, especially after kids.

Throughout the years, I've noticed the times my husband and I grew most distant were the times when we weren't putting each other as a first priority. Like a flower needs water, a marriage needs attention. It starts to wilt when the two partners don't take time to focus on one another. This is easier in the first few years when you're still riding that “love high,” but several years down the road or after you've got very young children to take care of, it can become real work. At times since having kids, my husband and I have felt like nothing more than roommates who give a passing “hello” and “goodbye” every day. (Alternatively, this is also the time you'll find out what real love looks like).For us, making time for each other every night, even just to watch a show, helped us to start to reconnect. Doing things we used to do before kids, like play-wrestle each other and go on dates were also things we started doing again, and it helped so much! It's the little things after you have kids that help you stay connected to your spouse.

Marriage is hard work, but it's totally worth it and you'll never be more in love than you are when you watch your husband with your kids.

3. You WILL mess up.

And your spouse WILL mess up. Forgive, forgive, forgive. And then forgive again. Don't hold grudges, don't bring up their past mistakes (especially after they've apologized and you've forgiven them), don't dwell in the past, and don't expect your spouse to be a fairytale prince/princess. That's not reality so let it go before it destroys your marriage. Humans make mistakes and that's how they learn to do better. No marriage is perfect behind closed doors; everyone has their issues and your marriage is no different. When you accept that they are flawed and you are flawed, you can drop all of the unrealistic expectations on both of your parts.

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Ruth Bell Graham 

In the beginning, you think you won't. You think you're the most perfect fairy tale couple ever. You think you've got it all figured out.

Then, you mess up and that pedestal comes crashing down. Don't worry, nobody's perfect and you can both totally come back from it. As long as you remember that you WILL mess up. The key is just to forgive the mistakes and work towards not making the same ones in the future.

To see more great marriage advice, check out 8 Lessons Learned in 12 Years of Marriage from Huffington Post.