7 Ways To Know You Have A Toddler

How many of these have you had the pleasure of experiencing?

1. You know you have a toddler when you hate your spouse a little. Toddlers can destroy your marriage if you let them. The stress of living in an insane asylum with a child who makes you want to fall on your own sword will take a toll on your personal relationship.

2. You no longer fantasize about being rich, famous, beautiful, talented, or any of the above. Your fantasies center around sleep. You dream about being rested and floating away on a California King bed that you can lay on in a starfish formation.

3. You regularly open packages of food in stores to keep your baboon quiet while you shop. Don’t worry; it’s not shoplifting until you forget to pay for it.

4. You have more gates up in your home than the local zoo.

5. Bath time in your house looks like an episode of Wipeout.

6. All four food groups can be found between your couch cushions.

7. A small child has recently blown his or her nose into your shirt.

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