4 Things NOT To Get My Kids For Christmas

The moms at Scary Mommy understand that at Christmas time parents start thinking about toys, but not in the nostalgic making memories kind of way… we think about how to get rid of them.

I confess, I spend a lot of time fantasizing about a day when my house won't be overrun with toys and toy parts.  So, with that in mind, here's one mom's hilarious take on what not to get her kids for Christmas:

For the love of God, no more stuffed animals. We have 5,000 of them, and for the most part, they sit in the corner collecting dust and boogers. The number of stuffed animals in a home should not exceed the number of children who live there. One child? One stuffed animal. Two kids? Two stuffed animals. I’m sure you can follow the pattern.

My son has a gigantic bag of stuffed animals in his room. Aside from once a month when he convinces me, against my better judgement to spill them out for him, he walks past them like a bunch of uninteresting furniture.  A few months ago my husband and I donated 1/2 of them to Goodwill and he hasn't even noticed.

If it has a million tiny pieces, it’s only a matter of time before three-quarters of it is in the trash. If I step on it or see it lying on the floor and I have no idea what it goes to, it goes in the bin. The next time I play a game without all the pieces, the whole game goes in the garbage.

I like the way this mom thinks! I should adopt this policy, instead of trying to organize tons of train tracks and memory cards into matching bins. If I just put them in the trash it would save me a lot of time.

Glitter is the herpes of craft products. It never goes away. It sticks to everything. It’s clinically proven to drive parents to complete and utter insanity. If you send glitter to my house, I will consider it an act of terrorism. I will never forgive you for gifting my child glitter.

As a matter of fact, don't even bring glitter into my house. They can play with it outside…. maybe.

If it needs batteries, it is probably loud. If it’s loud, I’ll be sure to find a way to return it to your house so it can give you a heart attack when it starts singing at 3 a.m. Or I’ll take the batteries out of it and tell her you bought her a bum toy.

I don't really mind loud toys, except that one talking bear that started activating itself randomly when the batteries started dying. We were all scared of that thing. We tossed it in the trash one morning and never looked back.

So what's a great gift for kids this time of year? Check out the complete article at Scary Mommy to find out.