4 Questions To Ask You Child To Help Them Solve Their Own Problems!

Rebecca Eanes, a writer for Creative Child recently covered this important topic. We all want our kids to be problem solvers.

I'll admit, I always thought it was one of those traits you're either born with or … not. How would you teach it?

Here's what Eanes suggests:

I believe we need to give the problem to whom it belongs – the child. Otherwise, how will she learn to solve them without constant parental direction? Here are 4 questions to ask your child each time a problem arises that will help her grow to be a problem-solver.

So what 4 questions should you be asking your kids to turn them into problem solvers?

1.  What caused you to do this?

We want to get children thinking about cause and effect and understand how feelings affect their behavior so that they can learn to make better choices in the moment.

2.  What was the outcome of your choice?

This question serves two purposes. It teaches the child that their behavior is always a choice that they made (whether there was provocation or not, the choice was their's), and it builds empathy because they begin to see the affect their choice has had on those around them.

3.  What could you have done differently?

The child brainstorms better options or is taught better options by the parent or caregiver.

4. How are you going to fix this?

This question puts the responsibility for solving this problem squarely on the child's shoulders. This is telling the child “I'm not going to fix this for you by sending you to your room. I'm not going to fix this for you by taking away your phone. You're going to fix this right now.” It's easy to “serve time” and be done with it, but to raise responsible people, we have to give them responsibility.

The best part?

Repeating this process several times, children quickly catch on that it's easier to manage their behavior in the first place than it is to fix problems created by their poor choices. However, even the most responsible children (and adults!) sometimes make mistakes, and knowing how to right their wrongs and solve their own problems is a skill that all children should be empowered with.

To see examples of each step in action, check out Eanes' article on raising a problem solver at Creative Child.