4 Extremely Easy Steps To Educate Your Child About Sexual Abuse

Start with these 4 simple steps. Have conversations about one step at a time until they fully understand each one.

And it's not too early to start these either. I advise to start these conversations young. But no time is too late to start educating.

 

1. Tell your kids the truth about sex.

Don’t wait for some “big talk.” It’s true that it’s hard for little kids to fully grasp what sex is, but mine began to have some idea of what it was as young as 3 years old. We looked at pictures of babies growing in wombs. We talked about sperms and eggs. They understood that Mommy and Daddy needed to do some physical coupling to make that happen (we started out calling it a “hug,” then got more detailed).

Sex was never a mystery. It was something that two committed, loving adults did together, nothing weird or otherworldly about it — nothing that could not be discussed without embarrassment. As your kids get older, it is important to discuss images of sex that are seen in the media and how they compare to reality.

2. Tell your kids about how their bodies work.

Like my mother, we avoid using any euphemisms for our reproductive organs. If you want to, that’s fine, but whatever you do, you need to talk openly about body parts. You need to have a language that is appropriate and technically accurate. Your kids need to know how their private parts work and what their functions are. That way they will know if something out of the ordinary is being done to them.

They also need to know that certain body parts give them pleasurable feelings when they touch them. They need to know when and how it is appropriate for them to self-stimulate, and not to be ashamed of doing so.

3. Be explicit about exactly which body parts are private and what would constitute a violation of that privacy.

This is perhaps the most uncomfortable part, but the most necessary. As much as we hate to think about anything possibly happening to our kids, it is vital that they are prepared for that eventuality, should it happen. So they need to know that there is a very short list of people who can touch their private parts, and in very specific situations.

So a doctor examining your child (in a doctor’s office, with you nearby) would be appropriate. And a parent cleaning private parts would be appropriate. But anyone else examining or looking or touching, for any reason, is not appropriate. Your child needs to know this and to tell you about it right away if it happens.

4. Teach your child general bodily boundaries.

Children need to know that they are in charge of their own bodies, in every situation. Don’t want extra kisses from grandma? Politely tell her so. You want the rough play to stop? Have a good code word for that around the house, and if you are the one playing with your children, stop as soon as they indicate that they have had enough. Make sure your children know to respect others’ boundaries as well.

Thank you to Wendy Wisner for helping us educate our kids about this most uncomfortable topic. To read more on what she has to say about this, please view her full article here on Scary Mommy.