3 Things You THOUGHT Would Come True

How many of these were you guilty of believing?

1. My child will never have formula. 

Now, I can honestly tell you that neither of my kids had formula because I was blessed enough to be able to breastfeed both of my children. In fact, if a zombie apocalypse takes place, I will definitely be able to feed my kids as well as all the neighborhood children. I have enough milk for a village. However, you have not started breastfeeding yet. You do not know what life is going to throw at you. Remember, you don’t actually make your own life plans. You may be thrown a curve ball here and there, and breastfeeding may be one of them. Don’t rant on about how formula is chock-full of man-made poisons when conversing with other living humans. Your baby may need that tin can of poison in order to survive one day.

I’ll save you some coupons just in case.

2. My baby will sleep through the night at __ months.

Unless you were given a gift from God to be able to see the future, you should not let this sentence escape your inexperienced-with-babies lips. You know nothing.

You’ve read sleep training books? You’ve memorized statistics?

Great! I’ve read cookbooks, but I don’t walk around making claims about how I know the secret to perfectly roasting a goose. I’ve never roasted a goose, and you’ve never stayed up with a screaming baby all night, wondering if she is on the brink of death or just has to fart.

Please stop talking.

Little do you know, getting your babe to sleep through the night is only one kind of “sleep training.” Just wait until they can sit up and fall asleep with a blanket over their head.

Life as a Rambling Redhead

That’ll freak you out.

Or when they are in a “big boy bed” and can remove himself from said bed and fall asleep behind furniture.

3. My child won’t watch television until the age of 2. 

I’ve said this sentence way more than once. I said it up until the day I gave in to Mickey Mouse and his charming gang of talking, half-dressed animal friends when my son was 18 months old. I made it to 1½ years, but not 2 years. As a stay-at-home mom, I’m just surprised that I made it that long.

You're definitely going to want to check out the rest of this list on Scary Mommy. When you're finished, leave a comment and let us know what foolish things you believed when you were a non-parent.