3 Stupid Questions People Ask About My Baby

A teacher once told me that the only dumb question is one that doesn't get asked. After becoming a mother, I have to disagree.  I hear stupid questions all the time now!

Strangers waltz right up to me and ask the dumbest things about my new baby whenever we go out of the house! Here are some of the worst:

1. “You look exhausted. Are you going to try and get some sleep tonight?” You know what, yeah… I do look exhausted. That’s because I was up until 3AM last night trying to resist the urge to tape the binky to my newborn’s face. The rest of the night is a blur of light snoozing, poop, and wet wipes. I will not even try to get some sleep tonight. I will not try to get some sleep for the next year, because it isn’t going to happen. Shut your stupid face with your quiet bedrooms and only one butt to wipe in the night… your own.

That one will make you want to slap someone in the face.  It's usually asked by people who either don't have children of their own or haven't had babies in their home in a very long time. Belss their hearts (as we say in the South), they have just plum forgotten what it's like to have a baby and can't stop themselves from asking stupid stuff like this.

2. “Do you think this will be your last kid?” Don’t ask me a question like that. Look at my bloodshot eyes. I’m in the throws of hell right now. Your question is like asking me two weeks after getting food poisoning when I plan to eat at Taco Bell again. Ask me that question in a year.

Or better yet, don't ask that question at all. Why do people think that since becoming pregnant and having children my reproductive choices should become public information?

3. “I know it’s not exactly the same, but I got this new puppy, and it’s been keeping me up all night whimpering. I totally feel you!” (I know this isn’t technically a question.) No. Your new dog is not the same as my newborn baby. You can put your dog in another room, shut the door, and call it a night. No one will think less of you. You can leave it in the yard with some food and a water dish, and it will feed itself. Your dog can walk, eat, and lift its own head without assistance. When it comes to physical development, your puppy is a good year ahead of my newborn. It won’t always be this way, but for now, congratulations!

This question is never asked by people that know anything about having babies. This is usually the follow up question to the first question about trying to sleep. Morons. No, it is not even remotely the same. Having a baby and having a puppy aren't even on the same planet. Nowhere close to being the same.

Want to know what other dumb questions about babies you can expect to hear now that you're a new parent? Check out the list at Scary Mommy. Then share some of the stupid things people asked you in the comment section.