2 Things Step Parents Hate To Hear

In an article for Scary Mommy, Katelyn Botsford, a teacher and step-mom extraordinaire, shares the 5 phrases all step parents are totally sick of hearing.

These two are crucial to remember if you want to avoid offending any excellent step-parents you know:

Are you two planning on having children of your own? This is not only bothersome to me, but also insulting to my husband. It implies that just because he has joint custody of our child he doesn’t really have a child. Furthermore, it isn’t really a question that I am all that comfortable answering. I have certainly spoken about having children with my immediate family and close friends, but I don’t talk about my personal life with everyone on the street. Rather than “are you planning on having children of your own?” the question should be, “are you two planning on having more kids?” The answer is yes, and our son is so excited to be a big brother. He recognizes that we are a family and wants it to grow as much as we do.

I can totally see why this would be hurtful to step-parents who are just doing their best to lovingly parent their step children. In fact, why differentiate in any way? As I like to say, families are made up of love not just blood… so why draw attention to genetics like they matter so much?

Wanna hear another awful phrase step parents hear all the time…

You don’t have kids… well, not really. This usually comes during conversations with other “real” parents who are discussing everything from bed-time rituals and educational toys to discipline styles and food choices. I found myself actually shying away from contributing to conversations like these, mostly because whenever the discussion turned to parenting I found those “real” parents usually turned away to chat amongst themselves, leaving me looking as awkward as a middle-schooler at a dance while the DJ plays “Faithfully.” Slowly, however, I began to make an attempt at adding to parenting conversations, giving my opinion, identifying things that I do that I have had success with, and offering suggestions. But too often I’m met with the comment that I “don’t have children.” The thing is, I do. I may not have physically carried him and given birth to him, but he is mine. Are parents who adopt not allowed to call themselves mom or dad? I do the same things “real” parents do.

If you're guilty of saying that to a step-parent you know then you might want to open your mouth and insert your foot. Really, go ahead.

Since when did labor and delivery become the measuring stick for determining who's a parent? It's really not fair for a whole lot of great reasons.

Sadly, these two phrases aren't the only terrible things step parents are forced to listen to in public on a daily basis. Read more about the things no step parent wants to hear you say at Scary Mommy. Then, share the worst thing you've ever heard somebody tell a great step mom or dad in the comments.