Should I Go Back To Work Or Stay At Home With My Baby?

SHOULD I BE A STAY AT HOME MOM?

1. If I stay home, I can finally stop missing out. I went back to work when my son was 8 weeks old. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I felt like I was missing out on everything. I was so jealous of our parents (his caregivers). I may have even asked my mom to lie to me if he took his first steps while I was at work. Okay, I did tell her to do that. That’s how desperate I was!

If I’m at home, I get to be there for my kiddos and see all the silly things they do. I get to hear every goofy little thing they say. I don’t have to miss them because I’m at work all day. Doesn’t that sound nice? It’s so exciting!

2. If I stay home, there’s no going back. I work in a highly specialized field. I work in a field where the information and skills are being reimagined constantly. If I were to leave for 5 years, I wouldn’t be able to come back. I’d be obsolete. Am I really prepared to never work again?  What about when the kids are older… like teenagers. Do they really need a stay at home mom then? 

3. If I stay at home we can give them the education we have dreamed of giving them. My husband and I want to homeschool. We have researched it and have done some preschool curriculum with our son at home for the last several months. He’s doing an amazing job! I work in the school system. I love my school and I see lots of great benefits, but I don’t think it’s a good fit for my son. I desperately want to homeschool him, but that’s not a possibility if I’m working. Aside from the obvious time management issues, homeschooling while working full time would require me to rely on our parents for help with his schooling. If I stay home, the kids get the education we want them to have to be successful. 

SHOULD I BE A WORKING MOM

1. If I don’t go back to work, we are going to have to do some serious financial juggling. Last summer, when my husband lost his job, we quickly realized that we couldn’t live on one income no matter how much we cut back. If I stay home, my husband is going to need to work more hours or take a part time job to make up the difference. Is that worth it?

2. That brings me to the next issue with staying home. Staying home could mean that eventually my husband might resent me. All the long hours, the second jobs, the exhaustion, missing out on time with our kids because he’s trying to provide for us while I stay at home….that could drive him to resent me. It could cause marital problems. It could make him miserable. 

3. If I keep working, we will need to continue to rely on our parents for care. There really is no point in paying for care, which would mean I was just working to pay for daycare. What’s the point in that?  We also know that we can’t keep counting on our parents. They are getting older, they have dreams and goals they want to pursue. It’s getting harder for them to chase after babies all day and handle tantrums. 

My husband, my voice of reason, says that he could never resent me. He says this is what is best for our family…me staying home. He believes it will give our children the future we want for them and so do I. He doesn’t think I’ll miss my job. The more I think about it, I think he’s right. I’ll miss the people, but not the job. I’ll miss the success, but not the stress. I’ll never regret being there for all my kid’s special moments. I’ll never regret giving them the education we think is best for them. Sure, I might miss the money, but there are more important things in life than money. 

After you had the talk, what did you decide? Did you stay home? The media says lots of women are choosing to stay home these days. Did you decide to keep working? Are you happy with the choice?

Written by: Sara Parise