Why Lie About Being A SAHM?

In the age of feminism, it's hard for many to imagine that any woman would want to give all that up and stay home with her babies. Doesn't she know she's losing her independence? Doesn't she realize she will never make up all the lost earning potential? What will she do about the holes in her resume? Won't her brain just totally turn to mush?

Much like the author, Jessica Levy, I had no idea that I would want to be a stay at home mom. I went back to work after my son was born and I was convinced it was the right decision. Choosing to stay home was a difficult choice for me and it wasn't an option at first, but now I wouldn't have it any other way.

Becoming a stay at home mom can feel like you're wasting your education or forsaking the independent women who fought for equal rights. But for me, at the end of the day, I couldn't be happier and I know I'm doing what I was really meant to do.

Here's what Levy has to say about her journey:

I’m a mother. Just a mother. It truly is the world’s oldest profession, but somehow it still elicits strong reactions. Whether it’s fervent support or an embarrassed-for-you silence that betrays heaps of judgment, strangers don’t hesitate to tell me exactly where I stand on their moral compass.

And what do I do, exactly? I change dirty diapers, drive around aimlessly when my baby will only nap in the car seat, and narrate our walks through supermarket aisles out loud. I rotate the same seven old T-shirts, which I’ve now come to think of as my “uniform,” because there is no point in ruining my entire wardrobe.

I can relate. After all, I feel that way every time I have to choose “unemployed” on the forms at the pediatricians office.  As for the shirts though, I'm thrilled to wear t-shirts and yoga pants instead of suits and heels every day.

I’m 27 and Ivy League-educated; I was 26 when my son was born. I’m not supposed to be a mother yet, according to most of my peers, and certainly not a stay-at-home one. It’s a message that was drilled into me by countless high-powered women who came to give keynote speeches during my university days, driven by the need to warn us about lessons that many of them had learned the hard way: You can’t count on anyone but yourself. Lean in. Stay independent.

Being childless was a professional advantage that had hurtled my career forward. Oh, you need someone to work late? Sure. A last-minute trip abroad? Great!

Until it wasn’t so great. Until I had a child. Until the long work hours didn’t make sense for me. Until I had to choose between my career and my baby boy. The choice for me wasn’t obvious, but I know that I’m incredibly lucky to have had a choice. Many people don’t.

I knew I wanted to stay home, at least for the near future, when my son was just a few days old. I just couldn’t bear to leave him.

During my pregnancy, friends with children tried to warn me.  They gave me advice about my return to work and tried to prepare me for the big feelings and overwhelming emotions of being a working mother.

I didn't really believe them at first. By the time I did, it was too late. By my son's first birthday, I was looking for ways to stay home… ways to make it work.

Sometimes being a stay at home mom is hard, but I've never looked back and I wouldn't make a different choice. So really, why lie about my occupation? I'm proud of the work I do every day… even if it involves a lot of changing diapers and wiping noses.

Read more about the big feelings moms deal with when they decide to stay at home for return to work at The New York Times.