What Not To Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

I can definitely relate to most of what she wrote. And here I thought I had heard it all.

1. “You’re just stressed. If you relax and stop thinking about it, it will happen.”

What I want to say: Thank you Captain Obvious for pointing out that I am stressed. Guess what? As long as I am dealing with infertility, I am going to be stressed. By the way, how can I stop thinking about it when I am injecting myself daily and getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day. Also, for your information, if stressed people didn’t get pregnant the human race would die.

What I say to end the conversation: Hmmm, maybe I will take a Yoga class or something.

2. “You want it too bad. You just can’t force these things.”

What I want to say: What is wanting it too bad when it comes to bringing a life into the world? What does that even mean? Tell my doctor who is pumping the heck out of me with meds he can’t force it, because he feels otherwise. Oh and by the way, I am PAINFULLY aware of my lack of control in this situation, but thanks for the reminder.

What I say to end the conversation: You really can’t.

3. “You are so young. Why are you worrying?”

What I want to say: Yes I am young AND 94% of my eggs are bad AND I have endometriosis. What is there not to worry about? (“Older” women get a lot of grief too I am sure). I feel like commenting on age either way is really dismissive and unhelpful.

What I say to end the conversation: Yup. I am certainly young.

“Relax. Quit trying.” If I had a dollar for every time that I heard one of those two things over the years… While it might seem helpful, it really hurts to hear it over and over again. That's like saying that we just shouldn't care and that we should just get over it. And that's unlikely.

You can read the rest of this list on Modern Mom. When you're finished, leave us a comment and tell us what things you wouldn't want to hear if you were struggling to get pregnant.