What I’ve Learned About Raising Boys

While bringing up boys is a little different than bringing up girls, I'm hoping the same general rules apply. I've already adopted and perfected my “parenting methods.”

I'm really hoping the same techniques work as well on my little girl (coming soon) as they do on my son. Otherwise, I might be in for a wild ride!

Lauren Knight, author of Crumb Bums blog recently wrote about the lessons she's learned about raising boys for the Washington Post.  After reading her article, I have to agree with her and, thankfully, I think these lessons are universal.

So here's what you need to know, what we moms of boys have learned that all moms can use:

Drop the Tough Guy act
I’m constantly taken aback by my sons’ sensitivity and empathy for others — the sweetest moments are when they comfort each other when sad, disappointed, or hurt. Despite what society may project upon males of all ages, boys are just as sensitive as girls, if not more so. An article by research psychologist and gender scholar, Peggy Drexler, cites research that found boys cry more when they are upset and have a harder time calming down. Boys are more easily stressed and more fragile medically and emotionally. Yet research shows that parents ask daughters how they feel more often than they ask sons, and when daughters get hurt, parents tend to comfort them more than they comfort sons. Avoid saying things like, “Get up, you’re fine,” or “Suck it up.” These statements send the message that our boys’ emotions and sensitivity are not valued.

Sometimes the solution is simply a hug
It’s not rocket science; sometimes a good long, strong hug has the ability to change bad moods and negative attitudes faster than any words. Boys sometimes have more trouble verbalizing their problems. Watch his body language, and the next time your boy is acting grumpy or even lashing out, get down on his level and open your arms. Repeat often, and don’t stop as they grow older. It turns out that boys need to be touched two to three times as much as girls to release the same amount of oxytocin that is released during a hug, and brain imaging research shows that the amount of nurturing a child receives from his mother early in life may lead to a larger hippocampus (the area of the brain responsible for handling stress and building memory). And while little boys may be good at asking for hugs when they need some extra affection, boys aged 12 and up feel more insecure about it, even though they still need physical touch from their parents. So make it a habit now. Hugs for all, big or small.

Although it's #4 on Knight's list, this lesson is my favorite! I think she included it because we often think that hugs are for girls, not boys. I've learned that while he might show it differently than a girl would, my little man is just as sensitive as his female peers.

Besides, isn't it nice to think that sometimes we can put away the disciplinarian hat and just give our kiddos a hug to solve the problem?

I'm not saying that singing Kumbaya solves everything in child-rearing, just that sometimes a hug goes a lot farther than we think and it just might be the answer we're needing.

To get more great tips from Lauren Knight, check out the entire list of things she learned about raising boys (so far) from the Washington Post.