Fun Ways To Totally Screw Up Your Kids

Scary Mommy has provided us with a great list of 21 ways we can totally screw up our kids. What's more, you're probably already doing half these things!

Because we needed something else to worry about, look over this list and find out how you might be ensuring your kids' future in therapy.

1. Fly a kite. If you want to instill a disrespect for nature. What if it gets stuck in a tree? BOOM. Littering. Or, worse, what if a bird flies into the string, strangles itself, and dies? You’re basically raising animal abusers. Before you know it, they’ll be throwing plastic six-pack rings into the ocean to murder all the dolphins.

Now I don't feel so bad about the fact that I bought a kite last year and then let it ride around in my trunk all summer long. Maybe I just ensured that my kid will be a future tree hugger. Win! Right?

2. Hit up the McDonald’s drive-thru while you’re out running errands and split a milkshake. If you want them to think it’s cool to drink and drive.

Added bonus: you'll be helping McDonald's weasel their way into your kid's regular diet ensuring a future filled with diabetes, heart problems, obesity, and a love of crappy fries. Yum!

Also, can I pretend that taking my kid to Wendy's last night isn't the same thing?

3. Play tag and/or hide and seek. If you want them to learn to hide or run away from their problems.

And you'll be teaching them that it's fun to run away from you. I know because I already made this mistake. I'm genuinely terrified when my toddler runs from me in parking lots and department stores while giggling and yelling “I tag you! You no catch me!”

4. Start a (leaf, stamp, rock, etc.) collection. If you want to see them on Hoarders: Buried Alive one day.

Or, they'll just have a gigantic collection of totally useless dolls hidden in the attic as adults because where am I going to put all those things? Thanks Mom. Collections are dumb. Unless it's money, like actual money.

Wanna see the rest of the list? Check out 21 things to do with your kids to totally screw them up at Scary Mommy for more laughs and great ideas.