Sarcasm is an Art Form

• They say: “Mama, you have to see this!”
• You think: “Dammit! The kid wants me to watch 4 hours of “Doc McStuffins” or “Jake and the Never Land Pirates” again?   Even though I have seen every episode ever made.  Like 6 times.”
• You answer: “Sure, sweetie.  I’ll be right there.”

• They say: “Mama, I lost a tooth.”
• You think: “Oh, crap!  I have absolutely no cash on me!  Wonder if the kid will take an IOU?  Do I have quarters somewhere? Crap, crap, CRAP!”
• You answer: “That’s great!  Let’s put it under your pillow!”

• They say: “Mama, look at me!  Look at me!”
• You think: “Can’t I just have a second of peace?  I don’t have to witness each and every move you make.  Why are you so needy?”
• You answer: “I see you, sweetie.  You’re doing great!”

• They say: “Mama, I want that! Please, please, please!”
• You think: “Yeah, what don’t you want?  You took my body, my youth, my energy.  What else could you possibly take from me?”
• You answer: “Well, we’ll have to see if Santa will bring it.”

• They say: “Mama, I’m hungry.”
• You think: “My God, you just ate 2 hours ago!  You ate enough food to feed 4 lumberjacks and their trucker buddies!  How could you possibly be hungry? Again?!”
• You answer: “What sounds good, sweetheart?”

• They say: “Where did ________ come from?”
• You think: “What do I look like?  An encyclopedia?  I have no freaking clue!  God, quit asking me questions!”
• You answer: “I don’t know, sweetie. Why don’t we research that on the computer?”

• They say: “Look at the picture I made for you, Mama.”
• You think: “Who are you? Freaking Picasso?  I don’t have any more room on the fridge because of all your drawings.”
• You answer: “That’s beautiful, sweetie!  Let’s put it on the fridge.”

 Written by: Allyson Johns