How Many Parenting Lies Have You Been Told?

How many of these have you heard?

1. “It all goes by soooooo fast!”

This is the biggest lie ever told to parents of young children. And it’s the one that stings the most when it doesn’t turn out to be true.

In one of your early days of parenthood, you will be out at the store and will inevitably be accosted by a well-intentioned woman who sighs, puts her hand to her heart and says, “Oh, just cherish every moment, dear. It all goes by so fast!”

You’ll look down at your spit-up-stained shirt (or pajama top), tuck your uncombed hair behind your ear and take a deep breath to keep yourself from bursting into a heap of sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, underprepared, hormone-inspired tears.

You’ll give the nice woman a forced smile while thinking to yourself, “I would give my left boob to make this part go by so fast.” (But you can’t give your right boob because it is currently the only boob producing milk.)

Which leads us to …

2. “Breastfeeding is the most natural thing on the planet!”

Ah, the beautiful bond between a mother and her offspring. The passing of life from a mother’s bosom. And — holy crap! Is that a blister on my nipple?!

Breastfeeding may be natural, but it’s natural in a Shark Week documentary sort of way. It’s gnarly (and can sometimes involve teeth much scarier than you’ve ever seen on a shark).

But don’t worry …

3. “You look great!”

No you don’t.

4. “You need all of the stuff on your registry.”

You know what you need? Quite a bit of Tupperware and some cardboard boxes full of packing materials (because nothing entertains a kid more). You also need a ridiculous amount of sippy cups.

You will spend a majority of your child’s first couple of years in search of the perfect sippy cup. Then once you find it, you will be in search of it in your house because it will inevitably disappear. Or at least the lid will.

If the lid and the cup are both missing that means it’s probably hidden somewhere full of rotting milk. In that case, put your house on the market and get the hell out. Don’t look back.

You can read the rest of this list, including my personal favorite (#5 – because isn't that about a joke once you have kids?) on Babble. When you're finished, leave a comment and share which one's your personal favorite.