Fix Bad Behavior In One Week

Jacqueline Burt, a writer for Parents magazine, has the world's quickest fix for bad behaviors. She's convinced that we can get kids to behave in one week if we follow her steps!

I know I was curious. Aren't you?

Here's step 1:

Don't React
My first move was to determine what I've been doing wrong. “The mistake most parents make is responding to the misbehavior, since negative attention is better than none at all,” explained Ed Christophersen, Ph.D., clinical child psychologist at Children's Mercy Hospitals and Clinics, in Kansas City, Missouri.

But I was afraid of what would happen if I ignored them. Would Julian's histrionics burst my eardrums? Would Charlotte give him such a pounding that he'd need to visit the E.R.? Dr. Christophersen suggested telling them about my new policy during a calm moment. “Guys,” I announced at breakfast, “from now on, if there's whining or bickering, I'm going to pretend I don't see or hear you. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Charlotte shrugged.

“Uh-huh,” said Julian. “Can I have more juice?” His reaction came later, when we were clothes shopping for Charlotte. “Why do we have to be in this stupid store?” he asked. “I want to go home!” Ordinarily, I would fish a candy out of my purse to keep Julian quiet. But this time, I simply continued sorting through shirts.

“Mommy! Do you hear me? I hate it here! I said it's stupid!”

Ignoring my son and the glares of the salespeople, I smiled brightly. “Look, Charlotte, they have your size in blue!”

Julian screeched louder and louder. It took all my willpower not to respond. But then, suddenly… silence. He had discovered some key chains that looked like Lego people and played with them until we were ready to go.

Apparently whining loses its appeal when Mom doesn't acknowledge it. Still, I never want to show my face in that store again.

How in the world will I ever succeed at not reacting?  I do it without even thinking. Usually, I overreact without even thinking.  If I can ever get a handle on it, I'm sure my son will eventually quit the whining… but what about the other behaviors.  What about hitting his sister? I have to react to that.

Here's step 2:

 Stay Positive
I woke up the next morning dreading the inevitable tantrums and sibling showdowns I'd face that day. But Robin H-C, a family coach and author of Thinking Your Way to Happy!, set me straight: Expecting kids to be bad is a self-fulfilling prophecy. “When you label your child, make sure it's positive so he has something to live up to,” she told me.

I tried that when Julian complained that he couldn't find the right blocks to build a house for his action figures. “You're good at making things,” I said. “Use something else.”

“Noooo!” he yelled.

But then–miracle of miracles!–Charlotte stepped in. “Come on, Julian, I'll help you,” she said.

“Charlotte, thanks for being such a helpful big sister,” I said. Half an hour later, the kids came running in with a shoebox they'd turned into a house using tape and scissors.

“That's a great house,” I said, “and I'm so proud of you for playing nicely together.” The rest of the day was oddly peaceful. Could the solution really be this simple?

I'm pretty good at this one. It works well with my kids most of the time. Want to learn the steps for the rest of the day?  Check out the complete one week behavior fix from Parents.