Don’t Waste Your Money On Toys

How many of these things have your kids tried to play with?

1. A post-it pad, one note peeled off at a time and stuck to random places around the house, like your open mascara wand.

2. An empty tampon wrapper, which is part of an installation called “pirate treasure.”

3. A pile of twigs smuggled from outdoors, which is part of an installation called “Blair Witch Project.”

4. Everything in the junk drawer. Literally everything in there is fascinating, right down to the sticky pennies and the straw wrapper.

5. A little-old-lady-type coin purse, which my 3-year-old son picked out as a gift from the dentist.

6. Seventy-five earplugs to stuff in the coin purse.

7. A torn-out page from a pop-up book that cost $30.

8. My shoe.

9. Daddy’s shoe, which makes it tough to get out the door for date night.

10. The soup ladle, for a wand.

11. My toothbrush, for a wand.

12. All the spatulas, bananas and more tampons: wands.

13. Every colander, for a game of “car wash.”

14. The spring from a broken monster truck, which I am intending to fix.

15. My phone, the box my phone came in, the rubber case from the old phone…anything phone-related is a-okay.

16. Many little pieces of torn-up paper, AKA confetti, AKA shit the vacuum cleaner won’t pick up.

17. Anything in the fridge. To my toddler, the fridge is Shangri-La. Mustard bottles, a carton of eggs, a basket of cherry tomatoes? It would be the thrill of a lifetime if I would just. let. him. into. the. fridge.

You can see the rest of this list on Scary Mommy. When you're finished, leave a comment and share what you would add to it.