Boys Will Be Boys Is Not An Excuse For Bad Behavior

Do you know the secret?

Every time I’m asked for parenting advice, I feel hesitant. Children, families and relationships are all so unique. Every family, every child has different needs. It’s so easy to get confused by the many voices in society offering conflicting information. But I will say this: I believe 90 percent of parental mistakes come from parents (not kids) giving in to peer pressure. Trying to fit in.

The desire to be “normal,” or at least conform to some social parameter, impacts all of us. To some extent, these desires are healthy. They keep us from stealing cars and yelling at the slow person in front of us at the grocery store. Yet the drive to wear the right clothes, see the same movies, play the cool sports stifles individuals.

If you want to raise kind, smart, creative boys (and girls, for that matter), prepare to be very different. If you’re raising sons, I don’t need to show you the research detailing the toxic environment modern society offers boys. Over and over, when my boys were little, people told me I was turning my boys into wimps and nerds by racing to violin lessons after baseball practice, reading too many books and rejecting video games and cable TV. I ignored the naysayers because, for me, popularity was never the goal. Interestingly, my boys are extremely well-liked among their peers.

I’ll share a secret, and it’s a big one.

I believe my children are amazing.

And I believe your children are amazing.

Viewing my children as beings with limitless potential has helped me many, many times to sift through bad advice and temporary fads. We are aiming for integrity, not Facebook “likes.” I have no aspirations for my sons to hold titles or prestige, but I do want them to be good, moral men who spread light wherever they go.

I’m the first to admit we’ve made plenty of mistakes. Even so, we don’t regard unkindness as acceptable behavior. My boys learned young they’d better not make jokes about someone’s weight or race or education. We laugh almost constantly, but at life’s absurdities, not at other people.

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