Are You Overparenting?

A lot of the moms over at Popsugar have been discussing their mommy fears and you might be surprised to learn their biggest fear.

It's not cavities, childhood vaccines, or ADHD. These moms are scared that they might be getting it right. They're terrified that they might be overparenting, being too good at being moms.

I have to admit that it took me a while to wrap my head around that one, since my anxiety usually stems from feeling like I constantly need to to better.

Here's how you can know if you're doing too well at parenting, or overparenting:

1. You Dole Out Few Responsibilities

Setting expectations for your children includes holding them accountable for age-appropriate responsibilities, members add. From a very young age, Ellen B. says, “many kitchen tasks are fair game,” and that kids are capable and often willing to bring their dishes to the sink when done, set the table, take the garbage out, and help cook. “And, yes,” she adds, “teach them to clean up their messes.” Once parents “get over the perception the only you can get things done on time, you will find training them is a time-saver.”

2. You Help Without Being Asked

Most parents would help their children at the drop of a hat, but several readers advise that parents would be wise to step back and wait to offer help until children ask for it. As a teacher, Pamela W. says she sees today's parents doing too much for their children when it's not necessary. “I see parents carrying their children's backpacks for them, etc., around the school campuses. I also see far more moms and dads who accompany their children into the classroom at the kindergarten level and spend time before the bell rings,” she says.

“It's hard not to helicopter,” Shawnn L. admits. But as someone who works at a university, she doesn't support it: “It is extremely frustrating to watch [parents] be overbearing and [make choices] for adult freshman student[s]. It is extremely frustrating to speak to the student and have the parent answer. It is even more frustrating to watch a student make excellent choices with regards to his/her studies, only to see the parent undermine every choice because they either weren't involved enough, or didn't agree.”

Lucy L. summarizes: “Don't do something for your child that he or she is capable of doing for themselves.”

3. You Try to Prevent All Mistakes

Of course, when making their own decisions, children will make some mistakes, but Lisa B. says it's healthy to let mistakes happen in a safe environment. “Both my kids are extremely careful about touching hot objects and getting their little fingers caught in doors/drawers. That's because I've let them try it when they were 6 months old. As soon as they were able to open and close a drawer, I've allowed them to close it (not too strongly, though), on their own fingers,” she says. “Rather than preventing them from doing something dangerous, I let them experience the consequences (provided it isn't health/life-threatening). They know what it's like to touch a hot drink. When they fall, they know they have to get up and dust themselves off, all on their own.”

“Being over-protective is an easy and common mistake that parents make,” admits mom Riana F., noting she sometimes closes her eyes and says, “World please be gentle with this child of mine.” But, she realizes, “The world will never be gentle, it will only ever be real, and if I try to protect my children from its challenges I will also be protecting them from its rewards.”

I'm a big fan of giving my son new responsibilities whenever I feel he's ready for them, so I think I'm in the clear on that one. However, he often says to my husband and I “Let me do it myself!” when we try to help him with a task.

It has become natural for us to just help him do things, to the point that I often don't realize that he can do them independently until he firmly reminds me. Thankfully, his fierce independence keeps me from going over board with this aspect of parenting.

That last one though, I'm totally guilty of trying to prevent his mistakes. Sometimes it's because I just don't want to clean up the mess or deal with the resulting meltdown after a failure. Most of the time, it's because I want him to be successful and feel confident in himself. Without realizing it, I rob him of that confidence by trying to save the day like Super Mom when he really just needs to learn for himself… the hard way.

Could you be overparenting? Read the 7 areas where you might be overparenting in the article from Popsugar. Then, share your struggles and advice with the rest of us in the comment section.