Answers To Kids Questions That We Wish We Could Use

So many answers you wish you could give; sarcastic ones topping the list.

I read somewhere that children ask an average of 250 questions a day. Take that, times my three kids, and you’ll understand why I have a permanent eyelid twitch and bring my wine with me into the shower.
Most of the questions are easy and take little to no thought — “Why are you yelling at that guy if he can’t hear you?” Because he is driving like a complete ass hat! For others, like, “Why do we have eyebrows?” I have Google.
But there are some questions for which I know the answer but have no idea how to explain it in a way that makes sense to a little kid. Answers that adults just know, well, because — but they initiate an endless string of questions that lead us both down a rabbit hole filled with answers that, if handled poorly, could result in years of therapy.

We have ALL been there, and unless you have the patience of a saint, you have almost bitten your tongue off before responding with the thought that pops into your head.

1. Where are the cows on that truck going? To heaven, the hard way.

2. Why do you and Dad sleep in the same bed? Honestly, I have no idea. Most nights I’m so exhausted from dealing with enormous mounds of bullshit all day, or wine drunk, that I barely have the mental capacity to set the alarm so I get to do it all over again tomorrow.

3. What is this song about? Wait. What the … holy shit how long have I been zoning out behind the wheel? Is that a lake? Is it still Tuesday?

If you need a good laugh, and face it, as moms we all do, read the rest of her top 20 list at Scary Mommy.  If you can add to the list, leave us your stories of quips and come-backs.