4 Things You Can Only Get Away With If You’re A Toddler

Wouldn't it be awesome to be a toddler again?

1. Wearing a costume to the grocery store.

You see a toddler walking around as Batman in Target and you think to yourself, “Someone won the clothes battle this morning.”

But if you see your neighbor Doreen sporting her Wonder Woman costume on a random Tuesday, you assume she’s started hitting the Merlot before lunch.

2. Crapping their pants.

Listen, it’s happened to the best of us, but it seems much less socially acceptable than when we were 2 years old, amiright? And forget about asking anyone to help you clean up. You’re on your own there cupcake, stomach flu or not.

3. Going to Chuck E. Cheese’s for lunch.

Unless you want to get the stink-eye from every parent in the place, I wouldn’t recommend two 30-something dudes showing up to Chuck E. Cheese’s for lunch sans kids. This also goes for all kiddie pools and birthday parties at skating rinks.

4. Grabbing their crotch in public.

Besides toddlers, Michael Jackson in his Thriller days was probably the only adult in history who could pull this off. Though I’ve worked with my share of men who think it is perfectly acceptable to “causally” adjust themselves in the office, I’d shy away from it.

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