10 Jobs Toddlers Would Do Perfectly

1. Salesman

Recently, my toddler convinced his father to purchase four large plastic zoo animals. My husband had only agreed to one animal and continued in his efforts to persuade our son to relinquish the other animals. So how did my two year old leave the store with four animals?

He could sell ice in Alaska. He said to my husband “Daddy, we just pay for it” as he looked up at us with big brown eyes. My husband said something like “You have to pick one. You can’t get two.” To which my son responded, “It okay Daddy. We just pay for it.” That’s how we went home with four animals.
If car salesmen really want to convince us to upgrade to leather seats and an expensive warranty package, all they’d have to do is win over our toddler. Toddlers make great salesmen.

2. Food Critic

Have you ever tried to feed a toddler? You can’t win. The reactions range in intensity from “I not like that Mommy” to a meltdown of epic proportions because you cut the crust off the PB & J.

If you want to know what is wrong with the way you are preparing meals, ask a toddler. Toddlers are great at picking apart everything about the food you put on the plate, whether it involves actually separating the ham and cheese or telling you what is wrong with each individual component.

3. Politician

Aren’t politicians just overgrown toddlers anyway? Toddlers are great at arguing all day about trivial things, accomplishing nothing except making a bigger mess for someone else to clean up, and flashing winning smiles at the TV cameras while making no sense at all.

As an added bonus, they are great at filibustering. They can go on for hours. By the time they are finished, you’re ready to agree to any demands just for some peace and quiet.

4. Artist

Toddlers are amazingly talented abstract artists. What’s more, they can produce large quantities of art in very little time. Don’t believe me? Check the refrigerator. Just think, instead of pawning off that excess creativity on Grandma and Grandpa, we could be cashing in on Ebay.

5. Model

Have you ever watched a toddler in the mirror? They never want to try on clothes when you’re trying to see if they can still wear last year’s summer shorts, but they are eager to parade in front of the mirror in tutus, Daddy’s neck tie, and your pumps.

Plus, that cute face could sell lots of clothes and magazine ad space.

6. Professional Laugher or Crier

Any toddler can cry on command. That’s why they would be perfect as professional mourners or in any other situation where you needed someone to get emotional. Just say “no” and a toddler will be on the floor crying some pretty convincing tears and wailing like a banshee.

Also, they’ll laugh at anything. If I sneeze, my son bursts into a giggling fit. They’d be great as audience members for a live taping of Hollywood’s latest sit-com or to lighten the mood for a bad comedian.

7. Stunt Man

We’ve all been there. You see your toddler climbing across the furniture or precariously balanced on top of some dangerously narrow perch. You’re not sure whether to hold your breath and pray or scream at them to get down from there this instant. I usually opt for a combination of both. That fearless bravery would make them perfect stunt men.

8. Dictator

If you’ve spent any time with a toddler at all you know why they’d be great at this job. Toddlers are always ordering people around and demanding to get their own way. They’re also pretty great at punishing you when things don’t go their way. Sometimes it’s completely not your fault and you catch the grief for it anyway. My toddler trips over his own feet and stubs his toe on a block. I’m the one that gets the block hurled at my head and then I’m still expected to give him a hug and kiss his boo-boo.

9. Detective

If you’re not sure why a toddler would make a good detective, think about the Halloween candy or the Easter eggs. They might not ever be able to find their own shoes, but they’re incredibly successful at finding hidden candy.

Lost your car keys? Convince them that your key fob is a giant ring pop. You’ll have your keys back in no time.

10. Impersonator

Toddlers are amusing little impersonators. I just love watching my toddler try to impersonate his daddy. He definitely has him pegged. Toddlers are excellent at parroting people. It’s how they learn. That’s why they would be perfect for this job.