Things My Mom Said That I Won’t Say

1. “You better stop it. Your face is going to freeze like that.”

No one wanted to be seen with an upset child in public. The best way to put a stop to that, in my mother’s opinion was to warn us that if we didn’t stop frowning or pouting, our face would be permanently frozen that way for life.

I remember a sad faced doll I had as a child. Her face was forever frozen with a pouty lip and painted tears. Each time my mother warned me about my face, I pictured the doll and became terrified to show my emotions.

I learned at an early age that adults didn’t want to see the way I felt inside, they only wanted to see a smiling, well-behaved child. It’s a lesson that had consequences it took me years to overcome. It’s a lesson I don’t intend to teach my own children.  Children are human and they need to know that emotions are normal. They need to be taught how to manage their big emotions, not put on a pretty face.

2. “You’re being ugly.” Or “Don’t be ugly!”

If I stuck out my tongue, neglected to share my toys with a new friend, or did anything wrong; I was being ugly.  I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is about this phrase that bothers me so much, but it’s one I know I could never utter.

From the moment of their birth, my children are, in my opinion, the most beautiful little beings I have ever seen. I love every curl, every eye lash, and every little pudgy toe. I can’t imagine ever telling them that they are anything less than the beautiful little creatures God made them.

3. “Because I said so.”

This is a favorite of many moms I know. It was one of my mom’s favorites too. However, she will quickly let you know that it never worked with me.  I always needed a reason. In my mind, saying “because I said so” only means that there is no other reason than that I am trying to be a giant adult dictator because I can.

I’ll admit that sometimes I have to get creative in order to give my toddler a reason that he can understand.  Sometimes I’m not sure that he does understand my reasons even when I carefully explain them on his level in small words. However, I’ve never said “because I said so” and I don’t ever plan to.

4. “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you a reason to cry.”

I cringe any time I hear a parent say this. Why? I just can’t wrap my brain around it. Why would you ever in a billion years want to make your child cry? Why would you, the parent who is supposed to love them and guide them and give them safety and shelter from the world want to give them a reason to cry?

I spend a great deal of energy thinking of ways to keep my son from crying. I give him hugs. I try to explain in terms he can understand. I sit with him when his emotions get too big and listen with a shoulder available to cry on. I work incredibly hard to remember that I am the adult and he is just a little boy. My kids are just kids.

I prefer to stick to “If you can’t stop crying, come here and let’s work it out together.”

5. “Get your head out of the clouds.”

My mom gave me lots of great advice. This wasn’t part of it.  I think I’m going to go the opposite direction on this one too with my kiddos.  I want them to dream big. I want them to reach for the stars.

I want their heads in the clouds a lot. Childhood is for dreaming.  Maybe I’ll say “Stick your head in the clouds Little One.” and see how that goes.

Written by: Sara Parise