The True Meaning of a Messy House

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What do you think?

“I can’t keep up. Thankfully, I’ve made peace with this fact.”

Though my intention was to offer a bit of empathy and connection around a shared reality most of us face on the daily, something didn’t feel right about the message I’d chosen. While it’s true that I’ve made peace with my rarely-tidy-for-long home (following years of futility and frustration), it was that first sentence, “I can’t keep up” that got me thinking:

Keep up with what

This question led to several others:

  • Is it true that I can’t “keep up,” or do I simply choose not to?
  • Who sets the standards for “keeping up,” and are they worthy of my strivings?
  • Who benefits when I attempt to “keep up” by an arbitrary set of measures?
  • Does “keeping up” empower me to be my most authentic self?

Pretty quickly, I was able to uncover the real reasons I was uncomfortable with the wording I’d chosen: It suggests inadequacy on my part (and the part of others whose homes are messy), it is subtlety self-critical and it fails to honor the life being lived in lieu of constant cleaning.

I tried for many years to adhere to the unspoken cultural (and countercultural) laws our society has so generously bestowed upon us. My house stayed clean, my closets organized and my girls’ rooms sweetly adorned. In the event that I couldn’t keep up (such as following the birth of yet another baby), I was hard on myself, lost sleep catching up and vowed to manage my time and resources better.

But because my motivation was based on what I felt I should be doing, instead of the authentic expression and honoring of who I really am and what I (and my family) needed to thrive, even when I was able to “keep up,” I still felt dissatisfied, disappointed and behind.

Until we’ve evaluated what we’re trying to keep up with, why, and how doing so benefits our lives, our efforts will only go so far toward the feelings and quality of life we’re after. 

You can find more of this article on Mothering. When you're finished, leave a comment and share your thoughts.

 

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