Strong People in Times of Weakness

My friends have always told me that I am one of the strongest people they know.  This is not one of those humble brags, because to be honest, I don’t see myself that way.  I do what is necessary, and I do what I need to do.  That sounds incredibly redundant, but to me, it is not.  The first is routine: taking a shower, brushing my teeth.  The second is survival: going to another doctor’s appointment, having that PET scan.  I see all of it as being a cog on the wheel of life. 

Yes, in my life, a multitude of difficulties has been thrown my way.  Difficult pregnancy and single motherhood at 32; hysterectomy at 41; cancer scare and subsequent surgery at 43; marriage at 43 and subsequent divorce two years later at 45 (after a difficult marriage).  I have met every challenge head-on, but inside I was screaming or trembling in fear.   Was this the right decision? Should I get a second (and third) opinion?  Can we work on and save this?  

Many times when I was married, I distinctly remember locking myself in the bedroom, then hiding in the closet and crying.  I hate to cry.  I see it as a sign of weakness.  But sometimes, even strong, grown-up women cry.  But why do I feel like that?  What makes me think that I am omnipotent and infallible?   I need an attitude adjustment.  So I did what any sane person would do, I did research.  Here are my findings.

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