4 Reasons Perimenopause Sucks
How many of these things are you totally not looking forward to?
1. Hair
On your face. If you do not have a Dollar Shave Club membership, now would be a good time.
Alternatively, you can let your Meno-beard fill in and tell the haters it's coming for them next.
Liberating.
For most of my adult life, I've had two persistent chin-hairs: Moe and Curly. I pluck them once a month. They return. It's a dance.
It's a dance to which they have invited their friends.
It’s a perimenopausal rave.
2. The crying
In the last 24 hours I have wept for the following reasons:
- My 4-year-old told me he “just love[s] me.”
- Joni Mitchell. Blue.
- My nanny is so good to my kids.
- My period was gone.
- My period came back.
- My period made a bloody mess on my bathroom rugs.
- My bathroom rugs had to be washed.
- I got a package in the mail and there was a lot of bubble wrap. I’m not a good environmentalist.
- I couldn’t decide what to make for dinner.
- The cat laid next to me on the bed.
Maybe the weeping is unique to me. My weepiness is, on a normal day, equitable to that of a toddler.
Regardless, it’s embarrassing when you are so grateful for green tea that you start crying when the barista takes your order.
*sniff* Please fill my reusable cup. I'm a bad environmentalist. *sniff*
3. The opposite of the crying
Dog hair on the hardwood is making me aggro.
Aaaand now I’m crying because I’m so grateful for my Swiffer.
I think this might be called a “mood swing.”
I prefer to think of this more like a mood teeter-totter.
4. Sweats
Not the pant kind.
I’m down to one fitted sheet. It’s currently on my bed. The other one must have been turned into a fort.
The one on the bed is 80% sweat. Mine.
My sweet husband set the AC at 69°F — for me.
He is shivering under a parka. I am wearing nothing but a gauzy nightgown, drenched with the sweat of a thousand hormones.
Tip: If you have one set of sheets, sleeping on a towel is advisable.
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